We’ve all been there. Laying in bed on Sunday morning wondering if I can physically muster the strength to uncross my own eyes and drag myself to church. Wondering why the hell I drank that much last or better yet, what even happened last night.
Not that I would even listen to myself, but if I could tell my drunk self how to avoid the pain that’s inevitably coming, this is what I’d say:
1. This will not be the best night of your life.
2. Spending $200 on alcohol doesn’t make you cool.
3. They’re not going to stop making it.
4. Aren’t you embarrassed?
5. Stop dancing. Please.
6. Go home.
7. Late night bar? You can barely walk.
8. Why do you need another shot?
9. You’re an idiot.
10. Leave her alone you dork. She’s not interested.
11. Leave her alone too. I don’t care if she is.
12. Who are you expecting to meet right now?
13. Seriously go home.
14. Don’t forget your card.
15. Four McChickens and 2 large fries? It’s not like you’re going to work out tomorrow fatass.
16. You’re going to miss church tomorrow.
17. That’s actually good for you.
18. You’re going to be Googling “can I die from a hangover” tomorrow.
19. I hate you.
Whiskey Riff is the most entertaining country site…ever.