Have you ever had one of those weekends where your body reminds you that you’re definitely too old to party like you used to, and you shouldn’t be doing that shit anymore?
We’ve all been there.
And here’s how it usually goes, as told by Eric Church songs (because there’s an Eric Church song for everything).
You’ve had a rough week at work. Your job sucks, your boss sucks, and now it’s time to blow off some steam. You get to the bar (much earlier than you used to, because going out at 30 starts at 7:00, not at midnight like it did when you were 21), and you dive headfirst into a double Jack and Coke. Why? Because all you want to do is put a drink in your hand.
“Drink In My Hand”
A couple drinks in, and you’re feeling like your old self again. You’ve hit your stride. All of a sudden, you’re that same person you were back in your prime. You’re the life of the party, with the whole bar watching you as you do shots of tequila and show off those moves that you learned back in college. This is why you go out. This is what you needed. You’re young and wild again.
“Young and Wild”
But then, those feelings start hitting you. Feelings about your job, your relationship, your future. Feelings about life. You start to think about what you want to be when you grow up (like, actually grow up, you’re only 30 so you’re not a grown up yet), and how this whole “being an adult” thing isn’t as fun as you thought it would be. Quick, you need to make those feelings go away! Time for another mixed drink.
“Mixed Drinks About Feelings”
Whew, that was a close one. Back on track. Good thing your friends were there for you. Just like they always are, no matter what kind of dumb shit you get yourself into. You know, you really love these people. Your friends who have been there since college and bought you a lap dance after your last girlfriend dumped you? Your new girlfriend, who loves you even after she’s cut you off but you sneak back to the bar for another Jack and Coke while she goes to the bathroom? How are they all going to know how much you love them if you don’t tell them, right?
“Lovin’ Me Anyway”
It’s getting late, and alcohol isn’t the only need you want to fulfill tonight. You turn to your significant other (or, if you’re single, pretty much anybody left in the bar at this point) and ask if they’re ready to go home. You turn on the charm. You’re talking a big game that you’re never going to be able to back up after all the whiskey you’ve had tonight. But hey, confidence is key.
“Like A Wrecking Ball”
The next thing you know, you’re waking up still in your clothes from the night before with half-eaten Taco Bell beside your bed.
You don’t know what happened – all you know is you need Pedialyte, and you need it fast. Good thing you’re an adult and stocked up the night before. Wait, where’s your phone? Better see who you called last night. Oh shit, what did I say? Do I still have a girlfriend? And why won’t my head stop hurting?
“Hungover & Hard Up”
That’s it. You’re never doing that again. The pounding in your head, the shame from the night before, the dread for what’s to come…nope, never letting Jack Daniel’s kick your ass like that again. Oh wait, there’s your phone. Your friend’s want to go out again tonight? Well, you could probably give that fuse another light…
Flash forward six weeks later…
(Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)