Quite the conundrum here.
According to TCPalm, Earle Stevens Jr. told investigators he wasn’t drinking while driving. Instead, he was downing bourbon only while stopped at traffic signals and stop signs. Stevens’s explanation, however, didn’t keep him out of jail on a DUI charge following a June 27 incident in Vero Beach, an arrest affidavit states.
A woman said a vehicle behind her in the drive-thru kept striking her rear bumper. She pointed to a vehicle driven by Stevens, 69, of Vero Beach.
He said he was drinking at “stop signs” and further explained that he was “not drinking while the car was moving and only when he stopped for stop signs and traffic signals,” the affidavit states.
At the Indian River County Jail, breath tests measured Stevens’s blood alcohol content at 0.153 and 0.147 – greater than the 0.08 legal limit.
This is the ultimate 5-year-old, “I’m not touching you” argument, except we have a grown-ass, 71-year-old man taking every single word of the law in its most literal form. Unfortunately for Earl, the law doesn’t deal with semantics.
“Sir, you been drinking and driving tonight?”
“No officer I’m not drinking and driving, I wound’t dare distract myself from the road.”
“Sir, you’re hammered.”
“Well, that I agree with, however I most definitely was not drinking and driving.”
“Sir, you’re going to jail.”
“Drinking and Driving.”
“But, I wasn’t drinking and driving.”
That conversation went on for 45 more minutes….