Stop Posting “Inspiring” Captions on Instagram Unless You Inspire

Who the fuck are you inspiring?

Yeah, I’m talking to you, the guy that finished 14th on The Bachelorette and poses a caption telling me “a positive mind makes anything possible” as he stares out his apartment window holding a cup of coffee without a shirt on. Who are you inspiring? Who reads that and goes “holy shit, I need to be positive, that’s it! My life will now make sense!” Nobody, that’s who.

Or you, the girl with 800 Instagram followers taking close ups of your ass as you squat. No, you telling me to “run through obstacles” does not give me, nor anyone else, a boost. Comedian Chris D’Elia said it best…

Let’s leave the inspiring to the people out there that inspire. A guy like Gary Vaynerchuk can post motivating shit because he motivates. When Oprah gives advice, you listen, when Chaz from The Bachelorette tells me to “tackle today, nothing comes easy” I want to smash my head through my computer monitor. Not because I’m pumped up, no no. I want to do this because I want to smash shards of glass into my eyes so I never have to read this shit again.

The internet is a crazy, crazy place. People that made it by doing shit, should inspire. I have no issue with a fitness model that has 1M followers telling you to do something; she made it. She built her brand. You? You were on a reality dating show. I’m picking on the Bachelor because it’s the biggest, and the most entertaining. There are many much more horrible shows, pumping out fake Instagram fame that turns your local dental hygienist into Shakespeare. You’re not Shakespeare. You went to college online.

Hey doucheface guy, put your fucking shirt on. You have 19k followers. NOBODY WANTS TO BUY THE COFFEE CREAMER YOU’RE GETTING PAID TO PROMOTE as you tell us to “turn the page in the book of life you’re writing.”

I have around 12.5K followers on Instagram (@WhiskeyRiffSteve, by the way). I post normal shit, try to be funny here and there. That’s not a ton of followers, but those followers are there because we built a cool thing with Whiskey Riff. Simple as that.

I don’t need a close up shot of your boobs telling me I need to “take stress, and turn it into fire, and take that fire and build a bigger fire of determination, and take that determination and own the world.” Nobody knows what the fuck you’re talking about. Literally, what the fuck are you saying?

Let’s leave the inspiration to those that inspire. Those that built something.

Now, remember, life is like an owl. It’s dangerous. But also clever. It will challenge you, and peck your eyes out. It will puke up an animal carcass, and scare the shit out of you. You’ll think it’s gone, then it will spin its head around 360 degrees like the fucking Exorcist. Take the owl, and make it your pet. Then set it free to the wild, and make today your day, and make the owl fly away into the outer galaxies of success, just like you can.